029: Finding Strength in Vulnerability with La’Vista Jones, Dr. Nadia Brown and Pamela Slim
The entrepreneurial journey is one that can feel lonely and isolating at times, especially when faced with setbacks. But having a supportive community around you can change all of that. A community of like-minded entrepreneurs can provide the sounding board you need to navigate through the tough times, offering a mix of empathy, understanding, and practical advice. This shared experience and sense of camaraderie can help you maintain your motivation and resilience, enabling you to push through the tough times and keep moving forward.
In this episode of the BOSS™ Talk podcast, host La'Vista Jones opens up about her frustration and disappointment when her business milestone goes unnoticed, highlighting the challenges of running Boss Talk
Go Here for the show notes. The transcript of the show is below.
Introduction
00:00:00 - La’Vista Jones
So hey, y'all, it's La'Vista Jones, and this is kind of a special edition of BOSS™ Talk. I am here at K’e with my BAWIB Mastermind. Yay.
00:00:17
We're missing one of our members. Isha is living her best life right now, still in Portugal. Um, but these ladies gave me permission to record my part of the Mastermind today for us to use on the podcast, because I think that the topic that I wanted to talk about needs to be talked about in community. And Pam actually did a live, this morning that touches on the very similar subject that I have been talking, thinking about, and wanted to talk to them about. So I was like, let's do it on the computer and on the microphone to record it and share it with the world.
00:00:56
And they graciously both said okay. And so here we are, right? One, I'm super excited to be having this conversation with two women that wear so many hats in my life. We are colleagues, we work together, we're friends, we are sisters. There's so many different things and roles that we play in each other's lives, and they're both my sounding boards as well.
00:01:31
And so I think this conversation is only fitting, one: because I think that we have a joint feeling about what we're going to talk about today. And today of all days is actually supposed to be the day of my anniversary for BOSS™ Talk. The anniversary celebration BOSS™ Talk launched July 10 of 2018. And so we were supposed to be celebrating five years of Boss Talk being a thing, but we're not going to. And I'll tell you why.
00:02:11
And it's actually a bit frustrating, right? Because over the course of the years, that BOSS™ Talk was like an in person thing. We have had over 200 women sitting in the chairs and on the sofas and being in this space, having conversations about their businesses, their wins, their failures, how they are practicing self care, what those lessons were learned to. Actually get them to start prioritizing themselves in their businesses, what their failures have been in their businesses and how they've been able to learn from those and just make things better. And coming to a place where you're not posturing, where it's like, oh, everything is here, is, like, perfect, and this is why you should work with me.
Frustration From a Lack of Recognition
00:02:59
Those kind of things. Which is a bit out of the norm, right? Because when you normally go to a networking kind of a thing, it's usually like, oh, I'm La'Vista, this is why I'm so great. This is why you should work with me. But here, it's always been one of those things that you lead with a need.
00:03:17
Like, what do you need? What is your business need? What do you need? What's actually going on with you? In the hopes that somebody that was here or somebody that's listening would actually be able to say, oh, I have a solution for that, or I can connect you to somebody that has a solution for that.
00:03:32
And so as of late and this experience as well, where it's like, hey, we're having a celebration. And like I said, we've had 200 women that have come through these doors in relation to BOSS™ Talk, right? Like, partnerships have been built here. Businesses have been launched here, and yet I couldn't get a single soul to commit to come here and celebrate for the five years. And so I've told Nadia independently, I think I've shared with Pam that as of late, I feel like I am a woman in the middle of a crowded room screaming, I've got something that can help you.
00:04:20
And not only is nobody listening to me, nobody's even pausing to be like, oh, why is this woman yelling?
00:04:31
It's like, I am walking through the streets of New York City, and people are literally looking through me as though I don't exist. And to say the least, this shit is frustrating as fuck because I know that there are different iterations in business and things like that, but, BOSS™ Talk is not new. This is not this new thing that I'm like, oh, here's this thing I'm going to try and let's try to figure out the proof of concept, and we're still in that phase. This is, like, a tried and true thing that has years behind it. And so I'm frustrated.
00:05:13
I'm super frustrated. And I know that Pam had a live today that she was kind of sending out, like, a bat signal, right, for those that are doing really deep work in the community and kind of feeling the same way, like, yeah, you're not seeing the results. You're not necessarily getting the feedback or the engagement or the whatever that you thought that you would be getting. The vision seems very clear, but it seems like you're the only one that can see it. And so I really just want to have an open conversation about how do you keep yourself motivated when all of that is weighing on you and you already have this vision that goes against and bucks against the norms that are out there?
00:06:04
And it's just like, okay, is anybody listening? Can anybody hear me? Is the frequency that I'm talking at suddenly, like, outside of the scope of where people were listening to me at one point? And so I wanted to share my frustration. I wanted to open it up amongst the three of us.
00:06:24
And just, I don't know that there's going to be answers that are going to come from this conversation, but I think that I can't be the only one. And actually, I know I'm not the only one because listening to your live today on the way into Mastermind was literally confirmation for me wanting to have this conversation. So I'm going to quiet down a bit and let these two who are shaking their heads this entire time that I say something. What do we do? What do we do when we're frustrated as hell with the outcomes that we're seeing?
Staying Motivated
00:07:02
But we know that what we're doing is the thing we are supposed to be doing?
00:07:11 - Dr. Nadia Brown
I would say stay the course, I haven't had the chance to listen to Pam's live yet. But in La'Vista Jones, you and I, we've talked about this over pot stickers and over just, you know, the kids play dates. Like, we've definitely been having these conversations about how challenging it can be, especially how it feels right now in this season of business. So I think one is figuring out how to stay the course, and that often can look different for each business because business is business, so you still have bills and things that you have to take care of. But I think sometimes, I know from personal experience, it can be so easy to just throw in a towel when it feels hard and then go back to whatever feels easiest.
00:07:59
But like what you were saying, La'Vista Jones, even for BOSS™ Talk, this is something that's been around for years. This is a proven concept in your business, and yet you're running up against these roadblocks and this, like, what is happening right now? I think the other thing is what you're doing is just finding your trusted circle to where you can be honest about what's going on. I think sometimes in business, it's really easy for you to pick up your phone and do the scroll of Doom and be like, oh, my God, my business is the only business in the entire world that is having issues ever, because everyone else's business is based on the highlight reels is doing great. And we all know that's simply not true.
00:08:43
And so to have your trusted circle to say, here's where I am, here's how I'm feeling, because there are those times, and I think we're all experiencing it. It's really interesting. Like, we're all kind of in this together in different ways. But there are times when you do have to lean on your circle and you have to sometimes borrow their faith because you're like, I'm done. I have quit for the 1800 time today, right?
00:09:07
And I'm just out, right? And so they're like, no, get back in there. Cry, cuss, fuss if you must, but at the end of the day, you don't get to throw in a towel. And I think that's where community comes in and it's so important on your entrepreneurial journey. Yeah, that's good.
Borrowed Rebellion
00:09:25 - La’Vista Jones
So it's like borrowed rebellion. I like and I don't have enough of it. Somebody else can be like, no, stay the course. So I like the idea of borrowed rebellion because to be honest, I'm definitely feeling a certain kind of way, right? Because, like, I'm here.
00:09:49
Like, this is where BOSS™ Talk was born, right? And so it's so interesting to me that even on that very first get together, there was more of an interest five years ago than there was for this. And it's not even just a, oh, let's get together and do whatever. It's a celebration of this thing that has been going on. This conversation has been continual for five years.
00:10:20
And the crazy thing is the feedback and stuff that I get, and it's like, oh, I didn't know that it was going to be like this. I didn't know that I was going to be able to have this safe place to be vulnerable. I didn't know. And it's just like, once they get here, it's like that magic door concept that you talk about with clients, and it's just like, yeah, that's why we're here. Amazing here.
00:10:42 - La’Vista Jones
Yeah, that's why we're here. And it's just like, I'm frustrated, but I'm not going to stop. Yeah. But it's also hard to, I guess, kind of keep myself motivated when it doesn't seem like anybody else on the planet gives a shit about what I'm doing. Yeah.
00:11:08 - Pamela Slim
So I have, like, 27 thoughts, so I will nail it down. I'm going to nail it down to maybe three. Okay. So one of them, I think, is it was years ago when I was trying to sell the whitest net, and I think I described it to my daughter Angie in exactly the same way, and she was like, mom, is it like when you're in a clear plastic box screaming and nobody can hear you? And I was like, yes.
00:11:36
You literally feel like the most just banana pants person in the room because you know, deep in your soul and you've gotten literal feedback, as you said, that this is a model that works. This is a community that works. Right. And you have put in the work, done all of the things that one should do in order to get a response. That should be the repercussions of really putting in the time and energy.
00:12:08
And so I think a characteristic of disruptive voices, which I know you care a lot about, and liberatory work, transformational work, work that maybe pushes against the way that people normally do business, can have a longer time in which it takes to really get that message out in one case. And that is the part where you exactly, as Nadia is saying, when you know that you are connected to people who are like, I see you. I know that the issue is not that what you are talking about is the wrong thing, but maybe people are not ready to hear it, maybe for whatever cosmic reason right. And your own spiritual journey, that this is not the time for these things to come together at this moment, but it is for you to determine the difference between knowing when I'm just off course and I'm off in my own world with an idea that everybody else just is too embarrassed to tell me. Doesn't make any sense, right?
00:13:09
And that's where we need very honest friends who would be like, hey, I think you're off course. So when you know that it's the thing and Nadia and I are here and if Isha were here, she'd say the same thing. And I would bet the 200 plus women who have participated live would say the same thing, that trust, that instinct for doing the work for the long term and it will have a time in which it comes. The second thing that I think of is just the arc of change. And especially when we start to just look back historically ancestrally in the generations of people who have done work very often without any evidence whatsoever during their entire lifetime that anything positive happened.
Long Term Vision
00:13:54
In fact, many more negative things could happen to them personally and professionally. So I think about that right within our communities and our families of people who were able to maintain that kind of focus over decades of just knowing, like, this is the work that needs to be done. And I'm going to do my part for where I am in the course of the earth and my role in it, and out of homage to them, out of appreciation for them. It's like, this is our time in order to be doing that work that we know that we need to be doing and to just recognize how much it takes and how much you need to have people who are working together for it. The third piece that made me think of is where I will say we, because I do this too.
00:14:45
Sometimes we fight against a container or a situation that we had a whole ass pandemic between when you started, right? We used to have people that were frequenting this space all the time that we're meeting in person, right? Like, you shifted the format to go into more like the podcast and other virtual things. And so in some ways, it could just be that the container that people are used to and hopefully some people who are listening to it right, can be like, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize how important it was to La'Vista Jones that we were meeting in person. Like, I love BOSS™ Talk, I love the concepts.
00:15:25
I listen to the damn podcast all the time. It's the most amazing thing. And I am so thankful that she took the time to tell me. It matters to me that you show up for me personally because I showed up for you. And that's what community is.
The Importance of Acknowledging Feelings
00:15:38
When I say I need and want you to be here with me to celebrate, it's because I need and want you to be here to celebrate. And there's nothing wrong with that. And sometimes I think we all get sort of lulled into our little world of like, I ain't leaving my air conditioning when it's 116 degrees outside. You know what I mean? And then there can be times where it is a different time and place, and maybe the container of what you think the work needs is not the same as what it used to be five years ago.
And part of that, right, is where we kind of listen to the work, to the people, and say, what does make sense? What does make sense for it?
00:16:17 - La’Vista Jones
Yeah, that's good. And I actually got a little teary when you were like, thank you for telling me that it was important for you to come and celebrate because my feelings are hurt. I'm laughing, but I'm laughing to literally hold back the tears because that shit was so disappointing.
00:16:38 - Pamela Slim
Yes. So disappointing. Yes. Let them tears flow. Like, oh, let them flow. It is painful.
That's a hard part of being in community and friendship sometimes. And I don't think it's because anybody is an ill intentions or doesn't love you, but sometimes we just totally miss, we miss it. I've missed it. I probably will in the future. That's good.
Evaluating The BOSS Talk Community
00:17:06 - La’Vista Jones
So my takeaway from this, then, is going to be just kind of reevaluating the container that you talked about, because you're right, we're in a different world than we were five years ago when BOSS™ Talk launched as an in person networking kind of a thing. And as it's evolved into more of a traditional podcast platform, the reach has also increased, right? Because back in the day, five years ago, unless you were in the East Valley of Arizona, you couldn't participate in BOSS™ Talk, where the beauty of it now is that you can participate in BOSS™ Talk anywhere in the world. But I feel like even though that reach has increased, the sense of community that I personally got by seeing people in person and having that immediate feedback, okay, we've had this discussion. Now, how did that resonate with you? What are you walking away with? How are you different? And so I guess it'll be one of those things to try to figure out how to more creatively get that engagement with those that are listening, that are part of this virtual community that is still going and growing across the globe and not take the lack of in person stuff. So personal, because I took this shit personally.
00:18:43 - Dr. Nadia Brown
I think it's important that you realize or that you acknowledge I agree with Pam.
It's really great that you were like, dude, this really hurt my feelings. I think sometimes, especially as women in business, we're discouraged because you probably heard it, it's just business is not personal. But there are those times when it feels very personal and it's helpful to acknowledge those feelings and process those feelings and again, have that safe space where you can share those feelings so that those don't derail you, because it does feel personal and no one intentionally meant to hurt your feelings. I'm sure, like Pam said, you could pull all 200 of those women. It was like, My gosh, I'm so sorry.
For whatever reason, right? And again, on this journey, there will be those times when it feels so personal and it hurts. And so it's just I acknowledge your bravery for even being willing to say, not only am I going to bring this to our Mastermind, but I'm going to talk about this on the mic. Because, again, I think sometimes we've been conditioned to only talk about the good times or talk about the challenging times on the other side of the challenging time. But here we are, you're literally sitting on the sofa next to Pam, tears in your eyes on the day of what would have been your celebratory moment.
And like, dude, my feelings are hurt, and this sucks. And so, yeah, kudos to you.
The Realities of Business
00:20:08 - La’Vista Jones
Thank you. And truly, at the core of what BOSS™ Talk is, this is that example, right? Because we talk about it's not always these winning moments in business, right, that social media tries to paint that picture like, oh, here's a win.
Here's another win. Here's another win. Sometimes shit is ugly, it hurts, and it's frustrating and confusing, and you feel like you are in a crowded room screaming and nobody is paying attention. Yeah. And this is just one of those moments.
But I will say BOSS™ Talk will continue. We're moving forward. Actually, season four is getting ready to come out next week in alignment with the anniversary, so I'm super excited about that. And this upcoming season is all about drumroll Leveraging the Power of Your Voice. Yes. Which we're doing
00:21:11 - Pamela Slim
I feel like the bar has been set. I'm like every mastermind. Do we get to do a podcast episode now? Will we do mine next time?
And then Nadia's and then Isha’s. And it reminds me of this story on TikTok, which is the cutest thing ever, of this cute little man who was an author, who was at some book festival with a big pile of books sitting on his desk. He had not sold one in the whole thing. Some TikToker comes by and did a little interview of like, tell me what your book is about. And the man told him.
00:21:39
He posted on TikTok. The man now has the number one book on Amazon, I mean, of all of Amazon, like, the number one book. And if this man was not in a plastic box screaming where nobody noticed him and so it is like, sometimes it is evidence when you do have something that is really worthwhile that people get excited about. Like, we do not know the wildness of timing and where all of a sudden something can open up in a way that we didn't expect. We can never count on that.
00:22:14
It's really hard to orchestrate it, right, to just kind of know when it is. But that's the part where when you do know what you're talking about makes so much sense, which it does, that the momentary silence can just be momentary.
The Feather Tattoo Symbolism
00:22:38 - La’Vista Jones
Silence yeah, that's good. The momentary silence can just be momentary silence. I love that.
So I think I'm good. I think I've had my turquoise couch therapy session with my girls. I have been talked off the edge of not quitting, because quitting was never an option. It was just yeah, the level of frustration has lowered, which is a good thing. And when in doubt, I do have my tattoo on my arm.
You guys know the story of my tattoo, right?
00:23:13 - Pamela Slim
Do we? Tell us.
00:23:14 - La’Vista Jones
So it was a few years ago. I think it was like, year two of BOSS™ Talk, and my son was having oral surgery.
And so I was going through the line at Chick-Fil-A to get him some mac and cheese because it was soft. And so I look up well, I was on my phone and drive thru, and I felt like this prompting to look up in the sky. And I look up, and I see this feather in the sky and a cloud formation. I was like, I've never seen a cloud like that before. I was like, I'm tripping.
00:23:46
But I took a picture of it, and I sent it to you. And I was like, Am I tripping, or does this not look like a cloud? And you're like, not a cloud, but does this not look like a feather? And you're like, totally. A feather.
00:23:56
You're like, It's a sign for you. And I'm like, well what? I was like, because God does talk to me, but usually in dreams, never in a physical symbol. I had never received any kind of message like that I was playing, okay, so I took a picture of it. I also sent it to our friend LaToya, who has done some deep theological study or whatever.
00:24:20
I was like, Is there any kind of biblical significance of a feather? And so she responded and was just like, the gist of it is that the feather represents that as long as you stay the course with your vision, there will be a group of women supporting you. And so I was like, by the time we got through the drive through, and I was like, Let me take another peek. As this cloud, it was gone. The sky was crystal clear.
00:24:53
Nothing but blue skies. And so if I hadn't taken a picture of it, I would have missed it. But, yeah, now this feather is tattooed on my arm as a reminder to stay the course. And so I think this is just one of those temporary, like, okay, maybe exactly what I'm saying right now isn’t resonating. Or maybe it is, or maybe people just aren't in a place to act on it right now because of whatever might be going on with them.
00:25:24
But I'm not going to stop because my vision is very clear, especially when it comes to helping others amplify their voices. Because for far too long, my voice has been stifled by the expectations of others. And I'm done with that shit.
00:25:43
Yeah. So with that, I think that my time with our mastermind is done. So I'm going to stop recording, but I hope that those that are listening take advantage of listening to the episodes that are coming out in season four. Dr. Nadia is actually in season four, and so it really is all about Leveraging the Power of Your Voice.
Season Four Preview
00:26:07
So hopefully this season will resonate with you. And yeah, let's walk out our BOSS™ Talk. Thanks, guys. Thank you for letting me hijack our meeting.
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