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Embracing Your Unique And Authentic Voice with Tanika J. Lothery


Fear of success can be a major obstacle for entrepreneurs, leading to imposter syndrome and self-doubt. This fear often originates from childhood experiences and manifests as anxiety throughout life, making it difficult to trust oneself and make important decisions. Overcoming fear of success involves recognizing its root causes, confronting them head-on, and transforming negative internal monologues into self-affirming statements. By recognizing the importance of personal growth, entrepreneurs can move past fear and find success in their businesses.

In this episode of the BOSS™ Talk podcast, guest Tanika J. Lothery shares her story of overcoming fear, which she attributes to a significant shift in her life and business. By trusting herself and her instincts, she gained newfound confidence and resilience, and eventually built a successful business.


Go HERE for the Show Notes.



Here’s the Transcript:


Introduction


00:00:00


Welcome to another episode of Boss Talk. I am your host, La'Vista Jones, and I am joined today by my guest, friend, and the OBM and glue to my company, Tanika J Lothery. Welcome, Tanika, back to the show. Thank you.

00:00:22

Happy to be here. So I'm excited about you being on the show. I'm excited every time you come on the show, partly because we have just such a good rapport from working with each other every single day. And I just love your insights and the things that you have to share. So I'm excited that you're here.

00:00:44

So Tanika is really, I think, a regular on the show. So this is a reconnection for some and is an introduction to others. So this is a little bit more about Tanika. Tanika is the founder and CEO of Virtually Yours TJL, an agency that provides professional, administrative, technical, and creative assistance to clients in a remote way. Coming from a corporate background, Tanika has been in the business of supporting businesses since 2010.


00:01:20

Her magic truly shines as the main point of contact for the businesses and business owners she supports as she engages and meets the needs of clients and fellow teammates. Customer service is of the utmost importance to Tanika, which is one of the foundational pillars that led to her officially launching Virtually Yours TJL. So welcome again to the show, Tanika. Thank you. Thank you.


00:01:52

You're welcome. I'm so glad that you're here. So, with that, are you ready to share how you are continuing to walk out your Boss Talk? Yes, I am ready as I will ever be.


00:02:11

I already see what kind of episode this is about to be. Buckle up, you all.


00:02:20

So, going into our fourth official season of the show, I think this is your third time on the show as a guest. Yes. And we have an amazing episode that's actually in queue where you take over being the host of the show and you interview your friend Crystal Arthur, who is the owner of Crystal Clear Works. And so I'm so excited for that episode to release. It will release sometime in the future.


00:02:48

But you took over the driver's seat, right, like you were the host of Boss Talk. So you're no stranger here. Every time I ask you to come on the show, you fuss at me about, oh, you love putting me on the roster. You love putting me on the show, right? Yeah.

00:03:13

You're like. What's? The invitation. So what's your follow up? The other day was cracking me up.


00:03:20

So Tanika is checking her emails and is following up with a couple of the guests that I had invited to be on the show for this season. They hadn't yet booked their interview. And so the way that my mind works, right, when I invited her, I invited her via her personal email, right. Because I am fighting Tanika, the person to come to my show. But I also copied Tanika, my OBM.


00:03:50

So using her branded email for 31 Marketplace. And so she's going through those emails to do follow up and realized, like, oh, this one was to me. I was like, oh, I ain't answered my email. Hold on, let me log out.


00:04:09

And let me put my business woman hat on and let me fill out this little application room. Yes. Which is why I copy her on all of those guest invites, right? Because essentially what happened is I sicked her on herself when she was going literally the email. Yes.


00:04:29

Which was hilarious to me. But on a serious note, right. I remember the first time I asked you to be on the show, and you said something to me that I hope that I don't forget. Right. Just because it was such a powerful thing for me to hear you say.


00:04:50

And it's really the reason that I wanted you to come back on the show today for us to talk about it. And you said something to the effect of, I've always wanted to be on a podcast or be asked to speak about something. I just never thought anybody would ask me. Yeah. And when I heard you say it, right, like, you were excited about being on the show, even though you give me a hard time when come be on the show, you give me a hard time.


00:05:19

You remind me of my cousin, Geraldine, right that I love dearly. She passed away right at the top of the pandemic March of 2020, and I'm a touchy feely, physical, touch person. She was not. And so every time I would go home to Ohio, I would sit on her lap and just smother her with hugs and kisses, and she would just fuss, oh, you're the huggingest child I've ever met.


00:05:46

I'm 42 years old. I am nobody's child anymore. But she's like, you're the huggingest child I've ever met. And she would put up a fuss that she didn't want my hugs and my kisses, but I knew better. And so it's just like, I know you fuss, but I also know that you enjoy being here, and so I'm glad that you're here.


00:06:04

But I want to talk about what you said that first interview, right? Because to my knowledge, it was the first podcast you had actually ever been on. When we did that show, I think it was in season two. Two, yeah. Yes, it was season two.


00:06:20

Yeah. Season two together. So why was that the internal dialogue that you were having with yourself that eventually spilled out into our conversation? Why did you feel that way? Well, okay.


00:06:37

Being a fan of podcasts, I'd always loved podcasts, and I talk back to them. So whether it's one person or it's an interview, I feel like I'm a part of it to them. And then I would imagine myself on the podcast, but that was all, like, dream world for me. And I didn't realize it felt like dream world until someone actually asked me because I didn't really think I had anything to offer. What does anyone want to hear me say?


00:07:13

I talk a lot, but anyone who knows me, I'll be running my mouth, bumping these gums. But do I have something that an audience wants to hear, that an audience wants to share with me and me with them? And it's that old creepy, which I hate, but the impostor syndrome thing creeps in, and I felt more comfortable in a background role, even though I'm an on stage girl in real life.

00:07:50

But there was a part of me that's gotten better, but I'm still working on that just didn't feel worthy or good enough or wanted. And so that's where that well, “no one's going to ask me to be on a podcast anyway”mindset came in. Interesting because my point of view of you and what you bring to the table couldn't be further from those thoughts. Right.


00:08:29

I think anybody who's been a regular listener to the show, anytime Tanika's name comes up, whether I'm talking to her directly or whether I'm talking to another guest and I'm talking about her, it's nothing but high praises, right. As far as the value that you bring to my life as a business owner, as a partner in business, but as my friend. Right. And so I think that that's why hearing you say what you said struck me the way that it did. And we talked about it being part of the second season of the show.


00:09:05

It's been a minute since that first episode that we did together went out. But it's something that I still think about, right? Because it's like, what made her feel that way or what was making her think that? Because I think, like, the world of you and what it is you have to say and what it is you have to contribute to the conversations, to strategy that we're working through with the business and things like that. And so let me give you, like a follow up, right, even though you had that kind of going on.


00:09:39

Why would somebody ask me, what would somebody get from something that I would say? You said yes, and you keep saying yes. So what made you say yes that first time? Well, I didn't feel like I could say no.


00:09:58

It wasn't really an ask. It's never really been an ask. It's been like, guess what? You've been volunteered to be on the show. And I know that if I really was like, I don't want to do this, that you would respect that.


00:10:17

But there's also the side of me that isn't so unsure about Tanika, that isn't going to allow fear to stop her. And that's what it's been. That's been a battle pretty much my whole life, is people, I guess, see me outgoing and talking and laughing, and I kind of adopted that as Tanika. And so who wants to hear this silliness but who I am…First of all, the silliness is awesome and secondly, there's a whole person behind that silliness as well.


00:11:06

And I have learned to stop using the silliness and the jokes as something to hide behind and just embracing it. That's just who I am. But I'm also smart. I also have something, I have ideas, I have thoughts that need to be heard and the more I do it, the more confident I become with me. And so it's pushing myself every time.


00:11:42

Every time. This time I wasn't as nervous as I have been the last two times. The first time I was shaking literally just like a little leaf in the wind, in a hurricane wind. And then the second time I was just like a little frustrated and this time I was like, all right, I'm going to do it. Let me pull this hair back because it's not done.


00:12:06

And I gave myself the permission pretty much in this very moment to pat myself on the back and be like, you did it girl. Even if you were trying to come up with 45 different excuses before, not to, but you did it because you know you can.


00:12:28

Yeah, that's why I keep coming back. Okay, well, I think that that means that we need to keep having you as a guest.


00:12:42

You will be volunTOLD to be on the show.


00:12:48

How about that?


00:12:52

This particular season is really all about leveraging and amplifying your voice, right? And so I want to just shed some light on how our companies started. I think our companies have a shared kind of origin story, right, where we both started off as virtual assistants. I don't know if a lot of people know that really about 31 Marketplace, like when I first came on the scene when I left and resigned from my AVP position, that's what I was doing. I was coming in and being a VA to other small business owners and things have progressed.


00:13:31

I know that that's where you started as well and things are progressing and pivoting really as we speak. And so you and I both recently went to Pam The Widest Net Retreat, right, this past February. And from that retreat, your title that you go by in your business and the focus within your business really has changed. And I feel like not only did you find your voice at that retreat, or at least a new iteration of that voice, I also feel like you finally gave yourself permission to acknowledge the value of your voice. And so I wanted to ask you if you would mind sharing a little bit about what that personal evolution has been like for you as far as it's time for me to start using and amplifying my voice.


00:14:25

What's that been like for you? It's been scary, it's been exciting.


00:14:31

I have been learning a lot about me since that retreat. And there's something magical that happens in that building when you get in there, Pam and Darryl, and it's just you can't deny it. You can sit and not do the work and not do the things, but it's going to be in your head, it's going to be in your spirit, you're going to feel it and it's going to get you to a place where you're going to get too uncomfortable not to move. And that's where I got to at that retreat. That's where I am now, moving away from virtual assistant into online business manager.


00:15:21

It's like every time I move into a different level, career wise, personal, it's just this whole shift. It's like I have to learn all about me all over again. And I'm like, I shed the old skin and then the new comes. And I remember saying to my therapist, I said, I just got it. Like, I need new therapy.


00:15:49

I've been in therapy since I was 18. But that therapy is not working for 45 year old Tanika and what she is doing today. This is a whole new me than 18, 20,30, even 40. This is five years ago. And it is scary.


00:16:06

The anxiety has been a little bad, but that's where I'm learning to take better care of me. But that retreat just really opened my eyes, having people in the room, women in the room that were just so supportive and saw me. For me, one of my prayers have always been, god, please show me how you see me. Show me how people who love me see me, because I sometimes have a little block there with that and it's very surprising to people for some reason, but I have that block there to see that reflect it back to me at the retreat, and it helped. It's like you're going to the gym and you're working out and you all were spotting me and I didn't have to do it by myself.


00:17:14

I know that if it gets too heavy, there's someone there to catch the bar. And that's how it felt. And it gave me the extra push that I needed to really look at myself and say, yes, I am a businesswoman. Are there things all over the place? Are there things that's a little awry sometimes when it comes to my business practices on the business side?


00:17:38

Yes, because I am not perfect in that area whatsoever. Do I take a long time sometimes to make a decision, even though what I should be doing, I already know? Yes. But that's just me walking through. And I feel like a year from now, five years from now, those decisions are going to be quicker, I'm going to have more confidence in them, and the anxiety and the fears will be pushed to the side because that's really what it is.

Overcoming Fear of Success

00:18:13

It's this fear of greatness, this fear of success that's always sort of been there and that I've been fighting through, but that retreat just really took Tanika and Virtually Yours, TJL over up to another level. And so I'm excited about what the future brings, even if I'm shaking through it. I love that. I'm excited what the future brings as well. And on a personal note, may I hope that I'm able to be an answer to that prayer, right?


00:18:56

To be a reflection to you of really just, like, everything that you are and everything that is valuable about you, especially in moments when you don't quite see those things yourself. So, like, the listeners prepare to be sick of me and singing the accolades of Tanika because I don't ever want to not sing your praises because you're amazing, like, a million percent.


00:19:31

I am amazing. You are amazing. You're amazing. And so you talked about a shift, right? And so in my book, The Ball Shift, I actually wrote about calling out and acknowledging the specific suffocating weight that is keeping us from fully living the life that we want to on our own terms.


00:19:53

And you really already called it out, fear, right? That was that weight that had been just kind of pushing you down and weighing you down. And I want to know, how did you call that out?


00:20:11

Especially since it was whispering that self limiting lie that your voice didn't matter. How did you call that fear out? What's interesting is what I had to do first was kind of figure out where it came from. It's always been this little whisper in my ear of fear, and it shows up in my body as anxiety. And I never had any issues with anxiety before until the last couple of years, especially since I started my business.


00:20:45

And it's because growing up, my parents did the best that they could. They're great people, and I love them, but when you don't have the option to make your own decisions a lot, and you go from under your parents' household to college, adult, wherever you leave, from kid to adult, I never trusted my voice because I never had to use it. I was told when to get up, told what I was wearing, first day of high school, my mama had my hair and bobo's like a little third grader. My friends were helping me out on the bus, and you cannot go to high school looking like this.


Tracing the Roots of Fear

00:21:36

And I know that came from a fear in her of having to make sure that I'm okay and make sure that I'm making the right decisions. So she had to do it for me. And so later on in life, it's time for me to make my own decisions. And I'm always asking other people, like, what do you think? What do you think?


00:21:57

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?


00:22:00

And when it got to the point where it was just sort of me having to talk to me. That fear started building up, and I realized the more ownership I had over my life and the more ownership which came in through, now I'm in charge of my career and the money that comes in as well. I'm going to have to use my voice more. I'm going to have to call out things more. I'm going to have to make decisions, more.


00:22:28

And that fear just got bigger and to a point that it's becoming crippling, and it became crippling. And I was like, I can't live life like this. I can't live life feeling the way I physically feel. There's not enough meditation, massages, affirmations, prayers, getaway weekends. There's not enough in the world to battle that until you actually deal with the root, which was the fear.


00:23:07

Head on. Yeah, head on. And I had been doing a lot of just, like, covering it. Covering it with, this is how you're supposed to do this every morning. I am this, I am that.


00:23:23

I am that. And in the middle of me saying my affirmations, I was like, Because you. Didn'T believe what you were. I didn't believe it. That's right.


00:23:33

That's it right there. I didn't believe it. I believed the fear more than I believed me. The fear had become me, especially in my business. Like, as I'm talking now, I'm like, Tanika, you said that.


00:23:53

I literally felt another weight, this lift up. Yeah, because you got to call it you have to you have to call it out. And I had to do it for myself. And it had made itself loud and clear at that point, too. There was no denying what the issue was, and it's fear, and I had to tackle it.


00:24:16

And it's not like I tackled it, and now I'm perfect. Yeah, it's an ongoing process. Ongoing process. And that's something else I had to realize as well. Okay, I'm fixed and then I'm good.


00:24:33

And then two and a half months later, I'm feeling crippled again, and I'm like, oh, well, I see why I signed a bigger deal. Cripple fear of success. No, not going to do this. I am worthy of that. I'm worthy to be paid my value.


00:24:56

I am worthy to get this contract. I can do the work, and I'll do the work with excellence. And that is what I had to change my words to. I had to change my words, and I had to make a match up with what didn't match up with fear. That's good.


Shifting Internal Monologues


00:25:18

So in developing and strengthening your own trust equity with yourself and your gut, your intuition, that's the specific shift that you made. Right. In order to overcome those limitations and see the immense value that you were bringing to the table, you had to confront and call out fear in and of itself. But then it sounds like you changed your internal monologue with yourself. Okay, changing that monologue, changing how I talk to myself.


00:25:55

When I do say something to myself, that's not so nice. Calling myself out. Yeah. Now, yeah, I say this to la Vista. Listen, say it again for the people in the back, right?


00:26:11

Because when I talk to, especially women about self care and talking about the way that we talk about ourselves as a form of self care, it's just like you've got to get into and shift into the mindset that you're talking to your best friend when you are talking to yourself? Because there are things that would be completely non negotiable and off the table. Like, you said, you would never say stuff that you say to yourself to me. You wouldn't say that to your best friend. You wouldn't say those things to your daughter.


00:26:48

You wouldn't say those things to your partner. But you say that crazy shit to yourself all the time. All the time. And it's just like you've got to check yourself from doing that because that's why you have such a heart. And I'm not saying just you like you to me.


00:27:08

I'm saying like, you like the collective, right? That's why we really have such a hard time, like believing an affirmation or reciting a mantra, because it's like all of the negative stuff that we tell ourselves in secret or like we say about ourselves or in response to ourselves that, again, we would never say about another human being. It totally blocks all of the positivity and the affirming power of those words. And it's like, yeah, I said it. But I don't believe it.

00:27:39

You can achieve anything. But it's just like I mean, but not really. Not me.


00:27:47

You can achieve anything. Like, I will speak those words over you any day. I will affirm you to the height and believe it. I mean it and mean every single word. But when I turn that on to myself, it's just like, not really.


00:28:07

I don't believe that. I don't believe that. So talk to us then about what's been the greatest impact, really right from that shift on your life and your business, because you talked earlier about, hey, I would wake up in the morning and I would maybe do this kind of like affirmation, like ritual. And in the midst of doing it, you're even telling yourself, like, that thing I just said, it's not true. At least it doesn't reflect me.


00:28:36

What's been the impact of you going from that narrative that you're telling yourself to now, this new, more firm, more confident, more self trusting version of yourself? What's that impact of that shift been like on your life and business? It has opened up doors for me that I didn't think would happen.


Embracing Self-Value


00:29:06

I signed a contract, like one of my biggest contracts and was just like, what's? That the sound for the siren that you do.


00:29:23

We don't have to go into detail about it, but I am not aware of that contract that you signed in. It is amazing and very deserving. And when I was talking over it with one of the people, the way they reacted was just like, okay. And I said, okay. And I was like, yes.


00:29:50

Why was I so nervous? Why was I nervous about even talking about this? And it's just that bit of confidence to just like, okay, how am I do this? Let's just put it on the table. Let's put it on the table.


00:30:06

Because I've always told my daughter, the worst thing they can tell you is no. And if they say no, that means it's not for you and something else is for you. Or they may say no, like she has experienced plenty of times. And here they come. What's it called?


00:30:24

What's the kids say? Spinning the block. Spinning the block. Here they come, spinning the block. That sounds like a whole auntie.


00:30:34

Spinning the block. Coming back again and realizing that the people that they said yes to didn't hold the same value as you do. And they realized, you know what? My bad. I didn't mean to say no.


00:30:51

And so the biggest impact has been that what everybody else thinks. How what everybody else feels when it comes to me or my business or my numbers doesn't matter. I'm number one in that.


00:31:19

I'm the head in this. I'm the one that it has to matter to. And I can choose to take in things, and I can choose not to take in things. And a no is not a reflection on Tanika or my value. It's not a reflection of that and just realizing and putting that fear away.


00:31:49

And also, another thing was, I don't have to do it the way I think everybody says you're supposed to do it. Like, I don't have to do my affirmations first thing in the morning. I got to get a journal out and write because I hate journaling. I'm like, I don't have to do that. And I was trying to do the things to make myself fit into like this, to make myself comfortable, but it was uncomfortable.


00:32:15

I'm getting up early. I'm saying these words that I don't believe, where I can just be walking around the house about to wash some dishes, and it pops in my head, and I'm like, you know what, Tanika? You are ahead and not the tail. You are above and not beneath. All the things that are for you are coming to you.


00:32:36

I can affirm myself any time of day. It doesn't have to be just the morning for me. Yeah. Or look up in a certain order. It works for some people.


00:32:45

For me, it just doesn't. It reminds me of chapter seven and chapter eight. Right. If you read the titles together, it is Stop shooting on Yourself and Do What the Fuck You want. I think that that is a perfect example of that.


00:33:05

I love that. Yeah. So let me ask you this. With this kind of like elevation, not elevation. Well, it is kind of an elevation.


00:33:16

It's an elevation and an evolution, right, of who Tanika is. How have systems, if at all, played a role in this shift?


The Role of Systems in Growth


00:33:27

I am a systems person. So I have to ask.


00:33:32

You want to come and redo all my systems?


00:33:38

But what I have, I've been making things easier on myself with systems in different ways because I've discovered some things about myself through this since February, since the retreat, that I need to make things easier on me because the overwhelm comes quick and when the overwhelm comes, the fear shows back up immediately. And so changing over my invoicing, doing that slowly but surely. Before I was doing it all myself manually. Like now I'm having stuff automatically bill out so I don't even have to think about it. I don't have to worry about it.


00:34:26

I don't have to shout out to automation. Shout out to automation.


00:34:35

I don't have to worry about forgetting to bill someone because I do that. Listen, when I first started, when I started my business in 2014, do you know? Like I did monthly invoices for my retainers that I have with my clients? Do you know? I would forget to send them jokers out.


00:34:57

And then I have to go to a client and be like, so I totally forgot to bill you for last month, so I'm going to need you to pay two months this month so I can pay the stuff I need to pay because what the actual hell is going on? Like how you are a business owner. How do you forget to tell somebody you need to pay me the money? And then I got the nerve to be like, well, once I send out this late invoice, you better pay it on time. I know my invoice to you is.


00:35:27

Like 30 days late, but I'm going. To go ahead and need you to run me my money.


00:35:34

You've had 30 days to save it.

00:35:38

You knew that the voice was over the cub.


00:35:42

But no, shout out to automation because I say it often, the automation is a capacity maximizer, right? And so as a business owner, that's just one of those things that you can just totally get bogged down with and overwhelmed with like the administrative part of running your business. And so even knowing that you have something as simple as that, that you have implemented to automate your billing and your invoicing, right? It makes it easier for everybody. It makes it easier for your clients because they're getting their invoice on a consistent basis at the same time.


Importance of Automating Business Processes


00:36:18

Like every month it's coming in, it's like, okay, let's go ahead and get it paid. But you're also not having to worry about it if you're off for the day or you need to be out because of something unexpected. Your invoices are not going to go like unsent businesses are. Going to come to a halt because you have a system in place to automate that and make things easier for your business. So I love that.


00:36:45

And so I wanted to also just kind of touch base with you about self care during this evolution. Right. So how did your self care evolve as you navigated through this shift or as you are navigating through this shift? Because we talked earlier that it is an ongoing process. You've definitely made a lot of progress and strides since that retreat that we're talking about that happened in February.


00:37:07

But again, we also talked about it's an ongoing process. It's a never ending process, like your own self evolution and development. But how has your self care evolved as you've navigated this particular shift?


Self-Care During Shifts


00:37:24

I have been taking care of myself in ways that I hadn't before because I didn't look at it as self care.


00:37:34

I have learned a lot about self care from you. And reading the book and listening to some of the others, like self care experts and stuff you've had on the show, I was like, you know what? Self care doesn't have to look a certain way. And one of the biggest things that I have done to take care of me is by removing relationships, whether they're business or personal, from my life, that were finished, we were done. We've come to an end.


00:38:21

And it's not always like a bad thing, like, oh, I don't like these people. Get out of my life. You're causing drama. No, it's not that. Is that I realized I was giving a lot of emotional energy to things that really didn't need to, and that was also causing a lot of anxiety.


00:38:40

And once I started being brave and letting go of those things, I could feel it in my body.


00:38:55

It's like a massage of my spirit as I let go of what's not for me, whether that's relationships, whether that's certain activities in my life as I shed those things, I started feeling better. Yeah. I'm not even concerned about things because I always had this FOMO fear of missing out. I had a thing with being left out, feeling like maybe everyone's having fun without me.


00:39:42

Especially like this year, I've really gotten to a place where I realized, oh, my God, it doesn't bother me. People are having fun, doing their thing. Good for you. It doesn't bother me because that moment wasn't for me. Yeah.


00:39:58

And so I've been taking care of myself a lot by not necessarily the things that I kind of want to do more of, which is go to the beach more, which I did get to go this year when it was beautiful and wonderful and lovely, and I can't wait to go back again. But the things that have had the biggest impact as far as my self care this year, I hadn't had to spend a dime on. I hadn't had to spend any money whatsoever. Waking up in my bed with peace is the biggest self care flex I can ever do. Oh, wow.


00:40:44

And that has been my journey. I probably said this before on another episode maybe, is my being Zoe Kravitz peace, because she just I'm not saying I don't know her, but she exudes peace to me, her and her mama. And they hold a little crew. They just seem like they're just floating through life. And I know they're not.


00:41:11

I know they're not. But to walk in such a way where I'm not carrying my issues, I'm not carrying my pain, I'm not carrying past stuff, that's the best thing I have done for me this year, and I want to continue to do that. And as I do that, then I'll add the other things back in. But what is most important for me is doing and making decisions that lead to peace. Yes.


00:41:53

That is my self care. Yeah. Prioritizing Yourself is the biggest flex ever. And I love that you said that the things that you're doing that are bringing you the most peace haven't cost you a dime, because that's one of the objections that I hear a lot, is that self care is too expensive. And it's just like, some things that you do can be right.


00:42:23

One of the things I like doing is going to one of the resorts here in the Valley, because here in Arizona, we're surrounded by those kinds of things. Can I do that kind of stuff, like, every day? Not with my current bank account, I cannot. So there's got to be those little things that you do everyday that sustain and nurture you. And the majority of the time, they don't cost you anything.


00:42:52

They don't cost you anything, but they give you so much. They give you so much. So thank you for sharing that.


00:43:03

We've referenced the book a few times during this particular episode together, and you toured with me when we launched The Box The Boss Shift back in the fall of 2022. I'm like me too. Yeah.


00:43:24

I love myself a battle cry because there is one that's written in the book itself. And during a mastermind pam who ran the Whitestone retreat that we've been talking about on this episode, she shared a reframe from Chloe, known on Instagram as the brand scientist that I thought was brilliant. And it's that voices that look like me and you aren't necessarily underrepresented, but they are under-recognized. And sometimes, in the case of the interview that we're doing today, even by ourselves, right. We don't even recognize the value of our own voice and what we bring to the table.


Under-Recognized Voices


00:44:09

And so I was really fired up by hearing that, and so I wrote a mini battle cry right around Amplifying your voice. And so I want to read it to you now that it's called Amplify. And it goes a little something like this. I will not be silenced any and every word I say can and will be used to amplify my message. Do not refer to my voice as underrepresented to cover up that it's really been under recognized.


00:44:38

I owe it to my work to make an effort to occupy space and be both seen and heard. And I'd love to know if anything with that resonates with you at all. All of it. What are you talking about?


00:44:57

But I really especially like the and I'm going to paraphrase that, don't play with me about us being underrepresented. We're under-recognized because we're out here talking. I know a lot of women, men of color, I know a lot of people in the LGBTQIA plus community who are doing great work and people don't know about them because they're not being recognized. And what also spoke to me in that stanza is sometimes I'm not recognizing my own voice because that's literally what I said at the beginning of this. And I was like I was underrepresenting myself and not recognizing me.


00:46:00

The great RuPaul says, how in the hell are you going to love you got to love yourself. Hold on. Said all wrong. How the hell are you going to love somebody else if you can't love yourself? That's what it is.


00:46:12

My bad. Mother, mother Ruth, she got it right. Don't come for us or this show. She corrected herself. She corrected myself.


00:46:24

And I apologize to Mother Ruth, but it is so true and does not give an excuse for anyone not to recognize us. Whatever. But it starts with me. That's what it spoke to me. My voice amplifies my voice.


00:46:46

And then how can I support someone else? How can I amplify someone else's voice? Where's my work in that?


00:46:57

Well, I mean, you are partnering with me to do that on a day to day basis with the voices that we amplify through podcasting. And truly, I could not do that work without you by my side. And that is the God's honest truth. I'm honored to be by your side.


00:47:21

Thank you. So in closing, Tanika, what advice would you give to a listener that is currently struggling with fully acknowledging and owning the value of their voice? Recognizing the value of their voice?


Acknowledging the Value of Your Voice


00:47:42

That's a good one. It starts with you. Tell yourself something you do believe. Tell yourself something positive about yourself that you do believe. Start there.

00:48:00

I look good in these jeans. Wear them jeans. Put them on. Feel good. Also, make sure you have a circle that uplifts you, amplifies you.


00:48:17

If your circle is dumping on you, just think about what do I want to receive into my life? How do I want to feel? How do I want others to feel? Check yourself when you say something yourself that you don't say to your best friend. Yeah, just start small.


00:48:42

I'm not saying you don't have to run out and be like cutting everybody off, because I see that a lot. All I can depend on is myself. No, that's not true. No man's an island. Yeah, all the time.


00:48:57

No man's an island. We need each other. We are all connected so that you can bring your best self to the circle. Start treating you better. Start being good to you.


00:49:14

Start treating yourself like your own best friend. Yes. Say that again for the people in the back. Start treating yourself like your own best friend. Yes.


00:49:27

Because that's what matters. And when you start uplifting yourself and you bring that beautiful person to the circle, that light just exudes. You don't even have to say anything. The light just exudes and it touches other people. And I know this because that's what happened in February in Mesa, Arizona.

00:49:56

Connected with people there from whole ‘nother country. And it's just like I knew them forever and so sorry.

00:50:13

It's just yeah. Choose yourself. Choose yourself. Good to you. Be good to you.


00:50:26

I love that. That I love that because in doing so, you're treating others how to treat you right, because if you have a standard of treatment that you are initiating that foundation for yourself, like you're not going to deal with any bullshit from anybody else. Point blank, period. Point blank, period, period.


00:50:52

So with that, thank you so much for being my guest today and sharing so openly. We didn't even cry today. I was so happy, which is great. Because we are both like cry babies and we didn't shed a tear. We might cry afterwards, but we didn't cry.


00:51:12

So for those that are listening, please make sure to check the show notes at therealbosstalk.com for a recap of the strategies and resources that were mentioned in today's show. And before we get off Tanika, please tell the listeners how and why they should connect with you. Well, you should connect with me if you need any support in running your business. You need some support and you are a small business entrepreneur change maker in this country doing the things for black and brown people, BIPOC people, the LGBTQ community. I am women, children.


00:51:54

I am behind you 135.7%. That is so specific. I did research on that and you can find me on LinkedIn Tanika J Lothery. I'm in other places too, but that's the best place to reach out to me. Or you can email me at virtuallyyourstjl@gmail.com.


00:52:19

It'll also be in the show notes. It'll be in the show notes. Yes. So with that, allow me to leave you with this reminder that you can love what you do in the marketplace without sacrificing yourself to do it and without devaluing your voice along the way. Until next time, please be sure to subscribe to the show and continue to battle overwhelm with systems and self care and walk out your Boss Talk.


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