When I saw the word image “Faith in God includes faith in His timing” my internal response was a resounding AMEN!
As I sit and reflect on where my life is now, I’m overwhelmed with joy because of the many things God has blessed me with, especially recently. I share a wonderful life with my Husband who happens to be my very best friend, we’re expecting our first child, a son and we recently purchased and moved into our very first home! To know me, is to know that I’m on a personal cloud nine because these are the things I’ve always wanted for my life ever since I was a little girl.
My faith in God’s timing for these things to come to pass was not always strong, in fact there were times that I had completely given up all hope that certain things would ever happen, like marrying my college sweetheart or ever having a baby.
For the most part, I would describe myself as having a pretty typical type A personality in that I like to be in control of pretty much everything. I need to have an organized plan to complete various tasks – my love life and biological clock weren’t exceptions.
When it comes to our current pregnancy, I had a plan all worked out to aid in our son’s conception. Like any good project manager, I had my target in sight and laid out the plan to execute. After a year or so of working my plan with no success, we decided to enlist the assistance of a fertility specialist. As a result we tried various fertility drugs, followed a very regimented conception schedule, administered at home hormone shots and even endured fallopian tube surgery. Each month, my excitement would build at the thought of being pregnant and was then followed by great disappointment each time I saw the negative readings on the monthly pregnancy tests. Month after month I rode an emotional roller coaster as I executed every physical option I knew to do myself to get pregnant.
And then something wonderful happened – I gave up control! After getting another negative pregnancy test result in November of 2014 I broke down sobbing and earnestly cried out to God.
I can’t do this anymore!
I’m tried of being hurt!
I’m tired of being disappointed!
Please! If it is not your will for me to have children, you HAVE to make me and my heart okay with this! I don’t want to be bitter!
But if it is your will for us, then you are just going to have to make it happen, because I can’t be in control of this anymore. It’s too hard, it’s just too hard!
What was God’s response to me giving up control and trusting fully in His timing instead of my own? We found out we were expecting our first child December 2014! Psalms 37:4 (NIV) tells us to ‘delight ourselves in the Lord, and He will give us the desires of our hearts.’ The dictionary defines delight as, to take pleasure in; to take pleasure in Him, in His word, in His instructions, in His promises and in His timing – it is always perfect!